Good Manners on Monday # 7 Gift giving and Party Etiquette

generous gifts...open now or open later?

The second half of the year always seems to be filled with birthdays and celebrations. We have five children's parties to attend over the next month of varying styles, themes and sizes. Yesterday we attended an eight year old's pool party at our local aquatic center. It was a pretty straight forward party and easy for the parents. The dads swam in the pool, supervising the children and the mums sat or stood around drinking coffee for an hour before party food and cake was served to dripping wet children. Then it was back to the pool for a series of games and prizes.

What impressed me about this party was the casual nature of it. You turn up, give gift and swim and eat and go home two hours later. There was no pressure or expectations on the parents. The pool provided the entertainment on a rainy Sunday. And the children were all well behaved and used their manners appropriately. There was no need to prompt for please and thank you's.


However, there is an opportunity to explore Gift Giving and Party Etiquette here. Each family has there own take on presents. I have always been one to open the presents when all the children are gathered together, or when the friend gives the gift. This way the birthday child has the opportunity to express thanks and gratitude to their friend, who may be waiting anxiously to see if the gift is liked.

At this particular party, and others we have been to, the gifts are given to the parents who stack them up on a table or in a basket and....that's it. You assume the child opens them later when all the other children have gone. And you may or may not receive a thank you verbally later or a thank you card or letter. 

For me, I want to see the paper being unwrapped and the surprise of not knowing what is in that package. 


Another trend I have noticed on the birthday party scene is the "please don't bring a gift" line on the birthday invite. I love this idea. I think it eliminates over consumerism and excessive gift giving. Think about a party where 15 children are invited. That's 15 gifts. Plus all the ones that the child receives from their family. And think about the storage for all of those new toys. We tend to give people books for birthdays. 

What's your take on gift giving and party etiquette? Do you encourage opening straight away or do you save the gifts up till later?

Be happy, 
Nicola 

Good Manners on Monday # 6 Table Manners

table manners rhyme sourced here

This week at Nurture the Little People headquarters we've been tackling the issue of table manners and dining etiquette. We are not overly strict in our house when it comes to dining. I don't mind if we eat lunch in the living area, but you have to be sitting down and using a plate. I do insist that we all sit at the table together for dinner and that the tv or radio is off.

As the children get older, I have found it more important to enforce dining etiquette like;

• setting the table with both a knife and fork, 
• waiting until everyone is sat before starting your meal, 
• taking your time to eat and chew, 
• not talking with your mouth full of food, 
• saying excuse me or pardon me where necessary 
• and the BIG one at the moment is staying at the table until everyone has finished, even if you are not going to eat your dinner. 

This has been particularly challenging of late with our nearly four year old. He is going through one of those phases where he is quick to decide that he doesn't like his dinner, pushing his plate away in disgust and promptly leaving the table. I know he will grow out of it, just as his older brother did, but gee it does urk me. 

Sometimes we insist he rejoins the table until we are all finished. And often he will dig in his heels and refuse. Other times we will just let it go and continue enjoying our meal together as a three, whilst the fourth member of the family plays at our feet, occasionally sneaking a carrot or pea off his plate.

So, what do you do? How do you enforce table manners and staying at the table in your family? 

Be Happy,
Nicola

Good Manners on Monday (on Tuesday) # 5

The Manners Relapse.

earn coin or loose coin with your manners

As a parent, I work hard on ensuring that my children use good manners, not only at home, but most importantly out in public too. It brings me great joy to hear from a teacher/parent/friend/stranger that my children use good manners. It means we are doing our job well. However, there has been a bit of a Manners Relapse in the home.

It seems that Junior is forgetting to use his "P's and Q's". All I ask is for a simple please when asking for something and a thank you in return. Oh, and no whining. That's not too much to ask of an eight year old...is it? Mini Hoges (4 years younger) is doing really well on the Manners front, we only occassionally have to prompt him.

So my solution is to start a Manners Jar. A bit like a swear jar. Except that with this jar, you EARN money for using manners. 10 cents each time, without prompting. The jar also encourages children being compliant when asked to do something. Eg: "Sure mum, I'd be happy to take the recycling out", as opposed to whinging and whining about contributing to the household chores. 

Last week I wrote about finding your currency in my post about Discipline. And the use of money is definitely a form of currency that my kids understand. And so, failure to use manners (please and thankyou) will result in a 10 cent fine. A first reminder at the start of the day is ok, but if you have to keep reminding them to use manners, especially the older kids, then the fining begins.


Do you have a creative solution for reinforcing good manners?

Be Happy, 
Nicola

Good Manners on Monday # 4

Last week ago, I received a Gift from a bloggy friend, the lovely Felicity at Gifts of Serendipity. Felicity gave me the gift of a link to "Life Matters", the radio program on Radio National. Danny Katz was the guest on this show, and he was talking about his latest book on Manners and Ettiquette, "No thanks Hank".

No thanks Hank, by Danny Katz

Now, at Nurture the Little People, we are all about Manners and we love books too, so when I saw this book, I rushed out to get it straight away, and it's a Classic!

"No thanks Hank" is a hilarious book of rhymes, verse and nonsense poems based on the use of manners and etiquette in everyday situations. The book is based on two characters, Hank and Hank, two boys who refuse to say "thanks" for anything, and their folks have had enough!

There is some great humour in this book and it will amuse parents and kids alike. One of my favourite tales in the book is Stephie said the "S" word and there is also a really funny take on the modern day version of Pass the Parcel.

I love how Danny Katz and Mitch Vane have written and illustrated a book about manners so cleverly, it's bound to get the kids (and their parents) thinking.


Have you read "No thanks Hank?" Do you have any other books on manners to recommend or any other favourite Danny Katz stories?

Be Happy 
Nicola

Good Manners on Monday # 3

roxanne at "things I no likey" agrees that saying "huh" is bad manners

 Pardon me for being so rude, it was not me it was my food

It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.

I am sure we all remember this one from our childhood days. It's one of those rotten rhymes that no one really knows the origins of. On another level though, this weeks Good Manners on Monday is focusing on the use of saying "Pardon" or "Pardon me".

How many times do you hear your child, or even yourself saying "huh?" or "what?" when your don't hear something correctly or misunderstand someone? A simple, "Pardon me I did not hear you" demonstrates good manners and correct use of proper language.

Accidentally stand on someones foot in the classroom, or supermarket...perfect opportunity to say "Pardon me for stepping on your foot". In this instance, the use of manners acts as an appropriate apology.

And finally, letting out that accidental burp or fart. The correct thing to say is "Pardon me", and leave it at that.

Good Manners, they are so simple to use, yet they go so far.

Have you got another example of using Pardon or Pardon Me to demonstrate Good Manners?

Be Happy 

Nicola

 

Good Manners on Monday # 2

thanks for the lift!

# 2 Shyness vs Laziness

Last week I wrote the first post in my series, Good Manners on Monday This is my quest to get us all thinking a bit more about the way that we speak to each other and ultimately respect each other. 

This weeks post is about Thank you and exploring the idea behind what prevents kids from using their manners and saying "thank you".

For the past 6 months, we have been taking a child to school with us twice a week, and his mother brings home Junior from school on those same days. We have known this child for 3 years, he has been in the same class as Junior for all those years. We have had regular play dates and know the family well.

The problem is though, this child never ever says "thanks for the lift" or even "good bye" when we get to school. He literally whisks his seat belt off and opens the door and runs away to class, 2 seconds after I have put the car in park. After 6 months of this, it truly has grown on my nerves. Junior and I have had conversations about making sure that he always uses his manners and says "thank you for bringing me home" to his friends mum, which he does, because I hear him.

I was always brought up to say "thank you" to my friends parents if they brought me home, took me somewhere, had me over for a play date etc, etc. And these are values and manners that I expect my children to follow.

Does the use of manners (or lack of), in particular saying "thank you", indicate shyness or laziness? And do you think this reflects badly on parents who don't encourage their children or demonstrate good manners?

Be Happy, 
Nicola 

Good Manners on Monday

good manners matter

There are certain things that I as a mother am always saying to my boys. "Pick up after yourself", "Put the toilet seat down", "No running in the house", "Use your manners". But what does this mean? What are good manners, and why are they important?

As a parent, I believe it is our fundamental responsibility to teach children good manners. Every person on this earth deserves to be treated with respect and feel positive about themselves and those around them. Displaying good manners means that you have respect and that you care about your fellow person.

Whilst we may affirm good manners such as "please and thank you's" in our children, it is also important to demonstrate manners in our actions. Because children mimic their parents and older siblings, we want them to learn positive behaviours like holding a door open for someone, giving up your seat on the bus or leaving the last cup cake for someone else (even though your mouth is just drooling for it!).

This week in our family, we are going to focus on language and manners. This involves the tone in which we speak to each other, the volume of what we are saying and moderating for where we are saying it, and the words that we will use, with a special focus on excuse me, please and thank you. Each time the boys use their manners with the three focus words, they will earn ten cents for their respective money boxes.

What good manners do you ensure are affirmed in your family?

Be Happy, 

Nicola