Dealing with Disappointment

disappointment, such a big emotion, image sourced here

Do you remember the first time you felt really disappointed as child? Your stomach feels sick, pain in your chest and that heavy feeling of injustice...NOT FAIR playing around and around in your thoughts. I don't remember the exact first time, but I do remember many moments as a child when a play date was cancelled, or the weather suddenly turned bad. As horrible as these moments felt at the time, they are an important part of growing up and learning to cope.

My heart sank today as my big boy got into the car and burst into tears after school. He hadn't been invited to his best mates 8th birthday party today after school. And unfortunately for us, the friend was parked two cars down and we heard the laughter and fun as the children all piled into the BF mum's car. The big heavy sobs said it all. Junior was bitterly disappointed. He couldn't understand why he was not invited, considering his friend lives a hop, step and a jump over the fence on the street behind. I didn't know the answer why. All I knew was that his friend was only allowed to invite three friends, and I'd only learnt that 5 minutes earlier in the play ground.

The tears got heavier, the sobs louder and Junior's face redder. He wondered if he had done something wrong. I started to feel yuck in the stomach too, an old feeling of disappointment rearing it's ugly head. 

We got out of the car and I hugged my son and told him that I loved him. And that we would pack for his holiday to Grandma's tonight. I decided to give him some treats of a lollipop and icecream, hoping that the sugar might make him feel a bit better. We fashed his face, and the red disappeared. Hoges came home and took both boys out for a bike ride.

It's tough watching your child experience real disappointment for the first time, this I Know,  and not having any answers for it is hard too...how do you deal with this experience?

Joining in with Yay for Homes, Things I know linky

Be Happy,  
Nicola 

Playing Pirates

pirate posing!

How much fun is it to play dress ups? There is nothing like a make believe play session to get the children exploring their creativity. We had a pirate play day after school on Monday in preparation of Juniors class presentation on water for Tuesday. Mini Hoges and I went on a shopping trip to find pirate patches and found the last two pirate sets for $1 each at Sam's Warehouse. Each set contained pirate patch, sword, telescope and pirate pouch. Love a Bargain. Aaarrgh!

What do your kids love to dress up as and imagine?

Be Happy, 
Nicola

Rewarding good behaviour

it's always nice to receive a positive affirmation in the mail

It really is so important to acknowledge and reward good behaviour. All too often it is far too easy to get caught up in what your child is doing wrong, or how they are misbehaving. The days become a tired energy struggle of reinforcing negative behaviours.

Recently, my eldest child had been getting his name on the board at school. It had been going on for a good four weeks or so. He just wasn't listening at school or at home. We tried to find his currency. It started to work. No name on the board at all last week, and we had a great weekend with a boy who seems to have grown up all of a sudden. That magic age of eight has kicked in.


Then yesterday, Junior received a postcard, from his teacher. The postcard told Junior how proud she was of him in class and that she knows he has been making a real effort to be the best boy he can be. This beats any merit certificate at a school assembly any day. And is the best positive affirmation for good behaviour.

We are proud of Junior too, and have been made even more aware of the power of rewarding good behaviour.

Be Happy,
Nicola

Good Manners on Monday # 6 Table Manners

table manners rhyme sourced here

This week at Nurture the Little People headquarters we've been tackling the issue of table manners and dining etiquette. We are not overly strict in our house when it comes to dining. I don't mind if we eat lunch in the living area, but you have to be sitting down and using a plate. I do insist that we all sit at the table together for dinner and that the tv or radio is off.

As the children get older, I have found it more important to enforce dining etiquette like;

• setting the table with both a knife and fork, 
• waiting until everyone is sat before starting your meal, 
• taking your time to eat and chew, 
• not talking with your mouth full of food, 
• saying excuse me or pardon me where necessary 
• and the BIG one at the moment is staying at the table until everyone has finished, even if you are not going to eat your dinner. 

This has been particularly challenging of late with our nearly four year old. He is going through one of those phases where he is quick to decide that he doesn't like his dinner, pushing his plate away in disgust and promptly leaving the table. I know he will grow out of it, just as his older brother did, but gee it does urk me. 

Sometimes we insist he rejoins the table until we are all finished. And often he will dig in his heels and refuse. Other times we will just let it go and continue enjoying our meal together as a three, whilst the fourth member of the family plays at our feet, occasionally sneaking a carrot or pea off his plate.

So, what do you do? How do you enforce table manners and staying at the table in your family? 

Be Happy,
Nicola

Tantrums, tornedos and the first born child

perhaps we need one of these in our backyard to resolve squabbling?

I'd like to share something with you that I am sure (hope) many of you experience too, and can perhaps shed some light. Often in this parenting journey you can feel so alone. You wonder about your child/children and whether their behaviour is "normal". 

I try to think back to when I was a kid. My brother was five years older than me, and sure we fought a bit. But mostly we got along ok. Mum says we were always perfectly well behaved when we were out and squabbled occassionally. I have some vague memories of being sent to out respective bedrooms for some reason or the other, and me sneaking out and sending little notes under my big bro's door. Maybe we got on ok because we were a "pigeon" pair. I have two sons...and they fight. 

Sometimes I feel like there is a tornedo roaring through our house. 

It doesn't take much. The 8 year old is so quick to roar and tantrum at his brother. And there I was a few weeks back sharing my thoughts about magical ages. It seems that the bigger brother just wants to be in charge...always. Perhaps it's just the eldest child syndrome. But then the 4 year old has now learned how to wind his big brother up. He knows what buttons to push and will do so in order to get his brother to play with him. This inevitably results in squabbling, shouting and tears. And ultimately both boys ending up at opposite ends of the house on their thinking chairs.

Some days are better than others, and it's fair to say, that this morning, they were great. They cooperated with tidying each others bedrooms, but again, the 8 year old started to get bossy and it resulted in a near tantrum that I was able to squash before it raged out of control.

So, what do you do in your family? Do your children fight? Is your first born bossy, and how do you resolve it?

Be Happy, 
Nicola  

image source here

Anthony Browne - 5 a Day Books

This week we are having a treasured author week at home. We love Anthony Browne books. From his illustrations to his tales, he is one talented children's author. Our favourite books are those that have the chimpanzee and gorilla's in them. Like the Willy stories. Willy is a Gorilla, but not your usual kind. He is a bit different. He is not great at sports and he is not Big like other Gorilla's. But he has a big heart and always tries his best. Sometimes he gets picked on by the bigger Gorilla's.

All of Anthony Brownes' stories have messages and meaning for children. Books like Silly Billy, help children to find ways of coping and combat fear. Billy is a worrier. He often worries at night when he tries to go sleep. One day he discovers Worry Dolls.  

And Through the Magic Mirror shows children how to use their imagination. Toby was bored at home. His parents were being boring, he was fed up with all of his toys. Then he looked into the hallway mirror and saw some things that changed his view.

What I love about Anthony Browne is that many of his stories are based on his own childhood experiences and imaginations. He is also the creator of the My Mum/Dad/Brother book series. We gave Junior the My Brother book when Mini Hoges was born. It helped him to gain a positive perspective on having a brother and being a big brother.

Do you have a favourite Anthony Browne book? 

Nurture the Little People is joining up with The Imagination Tree's 5 a Day Books Linky. Check it out to see what other books people are reading to their children.

Be Happy, 

 

Images sourced from Walker Books and Macmillan

Good Manners on Monday (on Tuesday) # 5

The Manners Relapse.

earn coin or loose coin with your manners

As a parent, I work hard on ensuring that my children use good manners, not only at home, but most importantly out in public too. It brings me great joy to hear from a teacher/parent/friend/stranger that my children use good manners. It means we are doing our job well. However, there has been a bit of a Manners Relapse in the home.

It seems that Junior is forgetting to use his "P's and Q's". All I ask is for a simple please when asking for something and a thank you in return. Oh, and no whining. That's not too much to ask of an eight year old...is it? Mini Hoges (4 years younger) is doing really well on the Manners front, we only occassionally have to prompt him.

So my solution is to start a Manners Jar. A bit like a swear jar. Except that with this jar, you EARN money for using manners. 10 cents each time, without prompting. The jar also encourages children being compliant when asked to do something. Eg: "Sure mum, I'd be happy to take the recycling out", as opposed to whinging and whining about contributing to the household chores. 

Last week I wrote about finding your currency in my post about Discipline. And the use of money is definitely a form of currency that my kids understand. And so, failure to use manners (please and thankyou) will result in a 10 cent fine. A first reminder at the start of the day is ok, but if you have to keep reminding them to use manners, especially the older kids, then the fining begins.


Do you have a creative solution for reinforcing good manners?

Be Happy, 
Nicola

Sneaky Vegetables - Chocolate zucchini cake

chocolate zucchini cake...sneaky sneaky

Sometimes I just love to be sneaky! Especially when it comes to vegetables! There is nothing more satisfying than sneaking vegetables into food, hiding it here and there.

This recipe is definitely one of those more pleasurable sneaky ones. It's a Chocolate Zucchini Cake from the Country Classics cookbook, by the CWA.

Here's the easy recipe:

1/2 teaspoon bicarb soda
1 1/4 cups flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup of cocoa
1/4 cup of butter
1/4 cup oil
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon grated orange rind
1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence
1 egg
1 cup grated zucchini
1/4 cup milk
1/2 cup choc bits


Preheat oven to 180 degrees and grease a ring tin. Sift bicarb soda, flour, salt, cinnamon and cocoa together and set aside. Place butter, oil, sugar, orange rind and vanilla together and mix well. Add egg, then mix in zucchini until combined, add dry ingredients and milk. Pour into tin, sprinkle with choc bits and cook for 30 minutes.

Allow to cool and serve with cream or ice cream or on it's own. It is very moist and holds well in kid lunch boxes.


Be Happy, 
Nicola

Discipline - what do you do?

skate park currency

Discipline is one of those 'not so fun' moments of parenting. As your children get older, so do your expectations of their behaviours. Therefore the need to discipline becomes more apparent. I have two sons, aged 8 and nearly 4. We are good parents and tolerate lots, within reason. We use a 'thinking chair' as opposed to 'time out' or 'naughty spot'. The boys have tasks or jobs to give them a sense of responsiblity and contribution to the family unit.

However, of late, we are needing to resort to a firmer form of discipline with our 8 year old. You see, he is getting his name on the board at school, regularly. Not for being naughty as such, but for being distracted or distracting others on the way back to his desk after sharpening his pencil. Or for talking when his teacher is talking. Or for talking too loudly in class. Or accessing restricted library computer files from his class room computer during free class time. He is a clever kid. And these are minor behaviour slips, most of which I think he will grow out of with awareness and maturity.

But it does raise the issue of discipline. What to do to show our son that his teacher is the boss when he is at school? At first we took away the Star Wars Lego for a week. Didn't work. A friend suggested grounding for a week, as this works well for her son, who is also Juniors' bestie. Kind of worked. But the message still wasn't sinking in. We needed a currency, and my brilliant husband found it in the Skate Park.


If Junior got his name on the board this week, he would not be able to go the Skate Park on the weekend with Dad for a skate. The threat of this alone last Friday night was enough to reduce Junior to tears. The message had finally sunk in. 

So, it seems that the Skate Park is Junior's currency at the moment. He has had a great week at school, with no name on the board and so got to go to the Skate Park on the weekend.

What types of disciplinary methods do you use in your family? What is your kids' currency?

Be Happy
Nicola 

Touch for Kids

children experience stress too

One of the many 'Hats' that I wear in my life is as a Qualified Massage Therapist. I have performed and given hundreds of massage treatments over the past twelve years. I am most passionate about giving nurturing touch to children, babies and pregnant women.

As adults, we all know that tension and stress manifests itself as knots and muscle soreness commonly in our shoulders and neck, with the odd headache attached. This is no different for children. Particularly in boys. Steve Biddulph writes in his book, Raising Boys, that male children from the ages of 8 to the teenage years often have shoulders that are "hard as rocks". 

I have found this to be the case on my 8 year old. He carries a heavy school bag, he climbs trees and gym equipment, he uses computers daily at school and concentrates hard on reading and writing and learning. It's no wonder his shoulders become so tense.

give your child the gift of touch

Over the years, as Junior Hoges has gotten older, he has become less inclined to just come and snuggle or cuddle with me. To counteract this, I have taken to giving Junior a regular weekly shoulder and neck massage of about fifteen minutes in duration. 

I ask Junior to sit on a chair, leaning into a cushion. He sits facing away from me, back to front on the chair. Using a medium firm pressure (I always ask what is comfortable for him first) I massage my way around the top of the shoulders, between the shoulder blades, at the base of the skull and the sides of the neck. For me, this a great way for us to bond and for me to express love. For Junior, he gets to receive the gift of touch, learn to relax and connect with mum.

This week, why don't you introduce the gift of touch with your kids and feel the connection.

Be Happy
Nicola 

image credit 

Snacks to keep the Little People Happy

Yesterday, Multiple Mum wrote about Food Wastage on her blog, And then there were four. This is an issue I take very seriously. And just like most parents know, when you have Little People around the house, there is often an awful lot of food waste. And expense. Take bananas, for example. Gill at Alice Becomes yesterday wrote about the cost of bananas and whether people factor that in when purchasing them (or not). She also wrote how she hasn't bought any for awhile as M1 has a tendency to waste them on his pram, brother or hair.

In our household, we have two boys, so there is sometimes food wastage. The biggest culprit of food wastage in our house is Mini Hoges, the nearly 4 year old. He is a grazer. He will eat small amounts of food all day long, and mostly in the mornings and late afternoons. It can be challenging keeping up with his grazing appetite and satisfying his ever changing palate. Hence the food wastage. He's the sort of kid who will grab an apple, take a bite and proclaim it's yucky. He will also ask for one thing for breakfast, have a mouth full, then say he doesn't like it or he's full. I can hear you groaning in sympathy. I know it is a phase, and he will grow out of it, just as his older brother did.

Inspired by yesterdays posts, and the constant asking for "something out of the cupboard", I decided to put together a big bowl of foods that I can pour out into a nutricious, easy snack to satisfy Mini Hoges. I call it the Cup of Fun!


I used up the last of some Mini Weetbix, threw in some dried apricots, apples and cranberries, and a very small handful of smarties, some marshmallows, grissini sticks, cashews and pepitas. And when Mini Hoges asked me for "something out of the cupboard mummy" I presented the snack in his favourite cup and said "Here you are my darling, a cup of Fun!" to which he giggled, and is now happily munching. Looks like it worked!


How do you combat the ever persistent requests for food in your household?

Be Happy
Nicola


image source

Good Manners on Monday # 3

roxanne at "things I no likey" agrees that saying "huh" is bad manners

 Pardon me for being so rude, it was not me it was my food

It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.

I am sure we all remember this one from our childhood days. It's one of those rotten rhymes that no one really knows the origins of. On another level though, this weeks Good Manners on Monday is focusing on the use of saying "Pardon" or "Pardon me".

How many times do you hear your child, or even yourself saying "huh?" or "what?" when your don't hear something correctly or misunderstand someone? A simple, "Pardon me I did not hear you" demonstrates good manners and correct use of proper language.

Accidentally stand on someones foot in the classroom, or supermarket...perfect opportunity to say "Pardon me for stepping on your foot". In this instance, the use of manners acts as an appropriate apology.

And finally, letting out that accidental burp or fart. The correct thing to say is "Pardon me", and leave it at that.

Good Manners, they are so simple to use, yet they go so far.

Have you got another example of using Pardon or Pardon Me to demonstrate Good Manners?

Be Happy 

Nicola

 

Lamp Chop Wednesday

lamb chop wednesday...delicious!

It can be challenging to feed the family at times. Everyone has a different palate and are at different stages of growth. But one thing I know I can make, with out fail is lamb chops. That's why every Wednesday is Lamb Chop Wednesday in our house hold. 

Char grilled lamb chops, parmesan mash, steamed greens, gravy and mint sauce...it's simplicity at its best, and its a winner!

What's your fail safe dinner that you just know everyone will eat?

Be Happy

Nicola

Relocation, Relocation

moving house, packing up and go!

We are moving house on Saturday at Hogan Central. The house has been a buzz with packing and sorting and packing up the car with boxes and moving them to the new garage. I love to move house. Even though I wish I could snap my fingers and have everything moved for me like Elizabeth in Bewitched, I do love the cleansing feel of sorting and culling. Moving house gives us an opportunity to make positive changes in our family. 

But moving house can bring anxiety and unwanted stress for children, especially young children. A new bedroom, a new street. Watching your beloved belongings being boxed away. I have noticed that Mini Hoges has been a little bit extra clingy this week, and he has been coming into our bed most nights. Junior, being four years older than his brother is relishing the idea of being in a new house, mostly because his best friend lives in the street behind, just a hop, step and a jump over the fence.

To make the transition to a new house smoother and easy for Mini Hoges, I have taken a few steps to include him as much as possible in the process:

• Allowing children to choose their own bedroom
• Get children involved in packing and boxing up and moving their own belongings
• Set the new bedroom up in a layout that is as close as possible to their old bedroom
• Lots of visits to the new house and playing in the backyard
• Walking and biking the new route to school and kindy from the new house, before you move
• Purchase of decorative items for the new bedroom, like a new wall hanging, rug or bed linen 

Have you moved house with children? What steps did you take to make the transition easy on them?

Happy Days, 
Nicola

Favourite Reads

Here at Hogan Central, we love books. I mean we REALLY LOVE books! I didn't realise just how much we love books until this week when I boxed up 38 large boxes of books to relocate to our new house on the weekend. That is a lot of books, and a lot of reading.
I asked the children to choose three of their favourite books to keep out and we'd read those over the week. Here is their selection:


Mini Hoges' top three reads:

the quiet book

the potato people

just jack

Junior Hoges' top three reads:

I think, I am

disgusting dave

world without fish

For myself, I often find I have two or three books on the go at once. I am currently reading "Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose" by Sonia Choquette, "What Alice Forgot" by Lianne Moriarty and "The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul" by Deborah Rodriguez. Hoges is enjoying "How to Make Gravy" by Paul Kelly and "Breaking the Sheep's Back" by Charles Massy.

What does your family love to read?

Happy Days, 

Nicola