Rewarding good behaviour

it's always nice to receive a positive affirmation in the mail

It really is so important to acknowledge and reward good behaviour. All too often it is far too easy to get caught up in what your child is doing wrong, or how they are misbehaving. The days become a tired energy struggle of reinforcing negative behaviours.

Recently, my eldest child had been getting his name on the board at school. It had been going on for a good four weeks or so. He just wasn't listening at school or at home. We tried to find his currency. It started to work. No name on the board at all last week, and we had a great weekend with a boy who seems to have grown up all of a sudden. That magic age of eight has kicked in.


Then yesterday, Junior received a postcard, from his teacher. The postcard told Junior how proud she was of him in class and that she knows he has been making a real effort to be the best boy he can be. This beats any merit certificate at a school assembly any day. And is the best positive affirmation for good behaviour.

We are proud of Junior too, and have been made even more aware of the power of rewarding good behaviour.

Be Happy,
Nicola

Everyone's got a bottom review

I wrote about the value of this book a year or so ago when I was writing a blog called Our Park Life. I thought I would take another look at it with my youngest child (who has a habit of stripping off anywhere) and write a review.

Everyone's got a bottom is a book written by Tess Rowley and illustrated by Jodi Edwards. It was published by Family Planning Queensland in 2007, and has got to be one of the best books of it's kind. And has been described as "the little book that is badly needed for helping parents, carers, teachers and child care personnel to keep children safe" (Professor Fredda Briggs)

Everyone's got a bottom is aimed at younger children up to about the age of 8. The key message of this book is to teach children about keeping their body's safe. This book is a great tool for parents, carers and teachers as it allows us to open up conversations about sensitive issues such as our bodies and 'private parts', the differences between boys and girls, sexuality, appropriate touch, trust and open communication and secrets.

The book tells the story of Ben, a boy of around the age of eight, his two siblings and family. The language in the book is simple and straight forward and together with the illustrations, the story presents some clear and important messages like; we own our own bodies and no one else has the right to touch them, it is important to care for our bodies, the appropriate and correct words for genitalia, it is okay to be nude at home - but not out in public, and importantly, the book talks about what is rude, or uncomfortable and what to do if someone wants to do something rude to you, even if it is someone you know, it is not okay. 


What I like about this story, is that the author uses simple language, rhyme and verse to help explain the message, which in turn is empowering for young children and will help them to understand about touch, bodies and stranger danger without being frightening for them.


This book is available online from Family Planning Queensland.


Be Happy, 
Nicola

Tantrums, tornedos and the first born child

perhaps we need one of these in our backyard to resolve squabbling?

I'd like to share something with you that I am sure (hope) many of you experience too, and can perhaps shed some light. Often in this parenting journey you can feel so alone. You wonder about your child/children and whether their behaviour is "normal". 

I try to think back to when I was a kid. My brother was five years older than me, and sure we fought a bit. But mostly we got along ok. Mum says we were always perfectly well behaved when we were out and squabbled occassionally. I have some vague memories of being sent to out respective bedrooms for some reason or the other, and me sneaking out and sending little notes under my big bro's door. Maybe we got on ok because we were a "pigeon" pair. I have two sons...and they fight. 

Sometimes I feel like there is a tornedo roaring through our house. 

It doesn't take much. The 8 year old is so quick to roar and tantrum at his brother. And there I was a few weeks back sharing my thoughts about magical ages. It seems that the bigger brother just wants to be in charge...always. Perhaps it's just the eldest child syndrome. But then the 4 year old has now learned how to wind his big brother up. He knows what buttons to push and will do so in order to get his brother to play with him. This inevitably results in squabbling, shouting and tears. And ultimately both boys ending up at opposite ends of the house on their thinking chairs.

Some days are better than others, and it's fair to say, that this morning, they were great. They cooperated with tidying each others bedrooms, but again, the 8 year old started to get bossy and it resulted in a near tantrum that I was able to squash before it raged out of control.

So, what do you do in your family? Do your children fight? Is your first born bossy, and how do you resolve it?

Be Happy, 
Nicola  

image source here

Things I know - time flies and busy bees

busy bees. makes time fly

It's been one of those weeks where time has felt like it's escaped me. In fact, it's been a busy fortnight with visitors all weekend, and extra work and activity for the kids. So busy, that I haven't managed to log on and post for three days. And it's not for want of trying, I've had the ideas, just not the time to post. Although, I do know, that time is just an illusion, a perception, but this week, it seems to have disappeared.


This week I know:


1. As lovely as it is having visitors, it can be disruptive to the family routine, especially for the children who get over excited and show-offy

2. Being out (mostly for work) every night this week has been tiring and made me less tolerant of the boys (especially in the morning)

3. The reality of being a busy parent, life and time can sometimes be overwhelming in a not so positive way.

4, Eight year old boys still have melt downs (even though 8 is a magic number) and tantrums, mostly over their younger siblings.

5. As much as I like spontaneity there is definitely something useful and positive about planning. So I will use this post as a SPARK to kick off my weekend of no working, and dedicate some time to thinking and planning out the month of September.

6. The bees are getting really busy!

What do you know about this week? Join Shae over at YAY for Home for the Things I Know linky. 

Be Happy

Discipline - what do you do?

skate park currency

Discipline is one of those 'not so fun' moments of parenting. As your children get older, so do your expectations of their behaviours. Therefore the need to discipline becomes more apparent. I have two sons, aged 8 and nearly 4. We are good parents and tolerate lots, within reason. We use a 'thinking chair' as opposed to 'time out' or 'naughty spot'. The boys have tasks or jobs to give them a sense of responsiblity and contribution to the family unit.

However, of late, we are needing to resort to a firmer form of discipline with our 8 year old. You see, he is getting his name on the board at school, regularly. Not for being naughty as such, but for being distracted or distracting others on the way back to his desk after sharpening his pencil. Or for talking when his teacher is talking. Or for talking too loudly in class. Or accessing restricted library computer files from his class room computer during free class time. He is a clever kid. And these are minor behaviour slips, most of which I think he will grow out of with awareness and maturity.

But it does raise the issue of discipline. What to do to show our son that his teacher is the boss when he is at school? At first we took away the Star Wars Lego for a week. Didn't work. A friend suggested grounding for a week, as this works well for her son, who is also Juniors' bestie. Kind of worked. But the message still wasn't sinking in. We needed a currency, and my brilliant husband found it in the Skate Park.


If Junior got his name on the board this week, he would not be able to go the Skate Park on the weekend with Dad for a skate. The threat of this alone last Friday night was enough to reduce Junior to tears. The message had finally sunk in. 

So, it seems that the Skate Park is Junior's currency at the moment. He has had a great week at school, with no name on the board and so got to go to the Skate Park on the weekend.

What types of disciplinary methods do you use in your family? What is your kids' currency?

Be Happy
Nicola 

Breathing Through Parental Stress

when all else fails, breathe deep

It's one of those mornings. It's raining, the traffic is heavy making you feel late for the school run. The moon is full and the kids are behaving like lunatics. One child hits another. Game on. You feel your shoulders tighten. Hands grip the steering wheel a little firmer. It feels like it takes you hours to get out of the car and across the road to school, all the while it is raining and those kids just won't let up. You just want to SCREAM!!!

Sound familiar?

We've all been there. This used to be me. Especially if I had worked late the night before. The unrelenting stress of being a parent. It doesn't go away. But the way in which you react to the stressors determines the way you cope.

My solution? Breathe. 5 deep full breaths. In and out. In through the nose, and out through the mouth with an audible "haaa" sound. It works wonders. You can even get the kids in on it too. Ask them to pretend that you are all trying to blow up the biggest balloon in the world. They will have a giggle at seeing you doing something so silly in the midst of their squabbling. Seeing you taking full deep breaths and blowing out with full puffed cheeks will get everyone laughing. 

And we all know that laughter is the best medicine.

By demonstrating positive coping skills during stressful times, we are teaching our children valuable tools, that they too will mimick later on.

What other ways do you cope with parental stress during those crazy times?

Be Happy 
Nicola